Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
