Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
