I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
