Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
