So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
