Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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