if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
