Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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