I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
