I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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