I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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