I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
