I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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