dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
