so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
