No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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