Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
