I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
