I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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