They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
