apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
