Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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