He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
