you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
