We got so high we made milksteak
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
