i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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