ugly people sure do ruin things
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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