My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
