Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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