walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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