I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
