I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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