you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
