Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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