so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
