He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
