apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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