my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
