at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
