doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ladies don't puke and tell
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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