a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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