I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
