Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
