I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
