I'm so fucking centered right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
