he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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