he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
