You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
