That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
two words: eviction party
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
