I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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