I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
