I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
