Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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