We won't sleep together?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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