this boner is exhausting
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
