Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
