i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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