i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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