There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
