They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
