They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
