We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
