Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
