yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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