The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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