just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
