What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
