I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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