he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
