i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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