like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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